My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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