Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
