with your own penis?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
