I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
