I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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