I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
