Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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