You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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