Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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