somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
