I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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