Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
