Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize