and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
