Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
