she looked like the before picture.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
