Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
