You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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