He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
