ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
