so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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