This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
