remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
