Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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