i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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