just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
