remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
