If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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