I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
