That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
