Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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