well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
