he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
