I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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