Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
