yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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