am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
