Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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