If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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