Her vagina should come with caution tape.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's shark week go big or go home
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
