I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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