I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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