I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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