just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
