Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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