exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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