also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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