Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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