i need an iv and a liver transplant
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
