there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
