Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
