I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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