dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
