i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
