well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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