seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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