i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's shark week go big or go home
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
