meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
