Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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