the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
