I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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