shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
