We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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