The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
