MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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