I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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