The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
